I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
