first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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