the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
