I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
