So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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