I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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