once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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