No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
