I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
