we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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