Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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