Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
