Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
