I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
