I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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