I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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