my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
