i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
