Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
