Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
