this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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