return my video game
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
