I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
