I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
