why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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