careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
