guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
