Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
