I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
