It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
