I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I love having hate sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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