I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
