she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
