Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
