Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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