Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
