I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
