Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
