Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
