Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
