I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
