I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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