dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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