he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I AM VODKA MAN
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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