I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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