New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
