So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
