yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
