So drunk its hurt
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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