Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk is not a location!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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