I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Someone came in the potted fern
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
