we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
