so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
